Dear Rose,
I think what you told that husband to do for his wife that was overweight and turned him off was wrong. I mean, it is not his responsibility to help her if she is fat. She should get off her butt and get rid of it herself. I lost 40 pounds when I needed to because it was the right thing to do. She cannot depend upon him for everything, and must take responsibility for her own actions. That is what is wrong with this society; everyone blames someone else for their problems. Well, I feel better that I got that off my chest.
Said it in Seymour

Dear Said it,
What you said about people taking responsibility for their own actions is correct. The woman should get off her butt and get rid of it. Let me ask you a question. Do you always do everything YOU should? According to Dr. Phil, and other medical professionals, obesity is more than just a physical problem; it is an emotional one as well. The reason that I gave the advice that I did, was that it was the husband that wrote, and he said that he really loved the woman. Love is a verb. Talk is cheap. This is one way that the man can work out his love, enjoy a closer bonding with his wife, and it can also give his wife the assurance that he cares. Of course, it is important that he keeps a sweetness and not a know-it-all attitude about the whole thing. It is important to expect good from people, and then you usually get it.

Dear Rose,
I am 15-year-old and a sophomore in high school. My problem is that all my friends are dating, and my parents say that I am not old enough. I don’t think it is fair. I make good grades and go to church. It’s not like I am going to run out and go to bed with someone. They don’t trust me and it hurts. Maybe they will listen to what you say.
Ticked off teen in Gatlinburg

Dear Ticked,
The problem you have is not new. Many teenagers have struggled with the same problem since the beginning of time. Please understand that your parents care for you. Believe it or not, many kids would trade places with you in a heartbeat. As long as you live with your parents you should respect their rules. Do they let you attend school functions? How about youth groups at your church? If they do let you attend those things, then be content. In a few more years you will be an adult, capable of making your own decisions, and possibly thankful that you do not have any of the problems that many teenagers have as a result of too much freedom.

If you have any questions that you would like to ask, “Dear Rose” please write to The Herald Newspapers, 500 Maryville Hwy, Seymour, TN 37865 or email at [email protected]

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Dear Rose,
I am a 17 year old girl who is dating a 26 year old guy. My mom is having fits and says that he is too old. I say that I am a senior in high school. I work and buy my own clothes. If I did something wrong I would be tried as an adult, and in one year I will be old enough to die for my country. He is a good person and treats me with respect. Things are not like they used to be when my mom was a girl. She has to realize that I can make my own decisions now. We talked and decided to write and see what you say.
Old enough in Seymour

Dear Old enough,
You are to be commended on the fact that you work and buy your own clothes. What you say about being tried as an adult and almost being old enough to die for your country is true too. It is wonderful that you are treated with respect by this guy. Now, lets look at the other facts. There is a big age gap, but the experience gap is even bigger. Your mom’s concerns are valid. Here is a compromise: if this guy really respects you, he will be glad to spend time with you at home in full view of your parents. This will give your parents time to get to know him, and will let you see him in a familiar background. People do fall in love with age differences, but proceed with caution and kindness, not in rebellion with what your parents say. Proceeding in rebellion can make you do things that you will be sorry for, that you really don’t want to do. Give yourself time. When you are 18 you will legally be considered an adult, and then it won’t be so hard for your parents to handle maybe.

Dear Rose,
I am 16 years old and pregnant. My boyfriend says he loves me, but his parents plan on him going to college and he does not want to get married or have this baby. My dad called me a slut last night when he found out. I live in a nice home and my mom has not stopped crying since last night. They said that my future is ruined. I do not like to think of abortion, but the thought of having a baby and then just abandoning it sounds terrible too. I don’t want to lose my future. I want to go to college and do good in life. My dad said that he will not feed an illegitimate brat. This is so horrible. Please answer soon, I don’t know what to do.
Confused

Dear Confused,
Please understand that many very good people throughout history have made mistakes much worse than yours. What your father said about you being a slut and not wanting to feed an illegitimate brat was wrong.
People say things that they are sorry for when they are upset. You are in a rough spot. Please know that I do not condemn you, nor do most people.
Post abortion problems include depression and inability to conceive later. There is a place in Sevierville called the Women’s Care Center at 304 Eastgate Road. Their telephone number is 865-428-HOPE (4673).
The women there have compassion for what you are going through. They can help if you need a place to stay and money for hospital expenses.
Many children given up for adoption thank their birth mothers for wanting them to have a better life.
Please consider that option. So many couples long for a baby. They offer financial stability and educated parents and a good life. Let us know how you are doing and what you decide.

If you have any questions that you would like to ask, “Dear Rose” please write to The Herald Newspapers, 500 Maryville Hwy, Seymour, TN 37865 or email at [email protected]

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Dear Rose,
I have a not-so-nice mother-in-law. She talks nice to everyone, but when she gets me alone, look out. She is the most deceptive, jealous person that I have ever met. She comes over and criticizes my house, when I have two little kids running around all day. She acts like I am a terrible mother. She takes my little kids aside and tells them how bad that I am. My husband does nothing. One time, two years ago, she talked to my husband’s aunt about me. The aunt came over and said that she did not think the house was that bad. My husband went to his mother and put his foot down. He told her that unless she treated his wife better that he would cut off their relationship. All hell broke loose. She acted as if I was a troublemaker when she was the one who gossiped secretly to everyone. She just does not like her wickedness to be exposed. Since that time, my husband, who does not like conflict, lets her get away with almost anything. After my last baby, I put on weight. In front of my kids and husband she said that it was no wonder I was so fat and that I did not do much around the house. No one defended me. What can I do other than leave the man?
Desperate housewife

Dear Desperate,
You are between a rock and a hard spot. You cannot make your husband stand up for you, but you can go to a counselor and learn how to cope with it. It may mean separation for a while until you can deal with things. The main thing is to get help for you, until you do, you cannot help the rest of your family.

Dear Rose,
My wife is overweight. She needs to lose about forty pounds. I love her, but when I see those rolls, it really turns me off. She wonders why I am not romantic any more, but I cannot help it. What can I do?
Disgusted husband

Dear Disgusted,
Honesty is always good. You are searching for a way to deal with this issue rather than ignoring it or being hurtful. For this, you are to be commended. One way that I think may work is to suggest that you do exercise together. Walk, go to the gym, ride bikes, whatever it takes to get her motivated and moving. Make it fun. Tell her that you don’t want the old greasy cooking any more or desserts either for that matter. Fruit and healthy entrees and the way you want to go. Praise her and show her attention when she follows your lead. By approaching the problem from this angle, you will be making the bond between you stronger and help your whole family as well. It takes a big man to do this. Let me know how it goes.

If you have any questions that you would like to ask, “Dear Rose” please write to The Herald Newspapers, 500 Maryville Hwy, Seymour, TN 37865 or email [email protected]

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Dear Rose,
Maybe you can help me know what is wrong. My wife says that I am the worst pessimist that she knows. I think that I am being realistic. It seems important for the security of our family to watch for things that may be wrong. She says that I am a miserable person to live with because I always see the worst case scenario. What do you think?
Cynical Sam

Dear Sam,
This may seem rough, but at least you and your wife are talking. It is extremely important to a man that his family be secure. That shows the love you have for them. You are to be commended for that. It could be that you go just a bit too far with it. It is one thing to be wary, another to be so super-negative that you can’t see hardly any good. Work on a balance. Try to say three to 10 good things for every bad thing. It will take a conscious effort but will also have the affect of making you a happier man.

Dear Rose,
I am broke all the time. It seems like I might just get caught up and then something else happens. I am so tired of being poor. Got any advice?
Broke Bloke

Dear Broke,
There are many churches in Sevier County who are offering free financial counseling. There are also non-profit agencies that work with local people in East Tennessee. Call the local Department of Human Services for further information.

If you have any questions that you would like to ask “Dear Rose” please write to The Herald Newspapers, 500 Maryville Hwy, Seymour, TN 37865 or email [email protected]

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Dear Rose,
I am tired all the time. My family says that I am just lazy, and my husband is critical of me. I do try to do things around the house and sometimes cry because I just can’t seem to do it. I have been to the doctor for a checkup, but he says that nothing is physically wrong with me. Life has become a drag. You are my last effort before I give up. Can you think of anything that will help?
Draggin’ mama

Dear Draggin’,
There may be several things wrong that you have not thought of. Clinical depression can cause a person to become physically exhausted. It does not sound like you have a solid support system with your family. Talk to your doctor about this. Also there is a physical condition called “Chronic fatigue syndrome.” The National Center for Disease control has information about this problem with diagnoses and treatment on it’s website at www.cdc.gov/ncidod/diseases/cfs/. This is an actual disease that is affecting an increasing amount of individuals. If you know in your heart that you are really trying, don’t give up. Please hang in there and get help. Write me back if I can do anything else for you.

Dear Rose,
You are wrong telling that lady that dating is wrong. People like you make me mad. You are insinuating that people who date are immoral and not Christians, and that is judgmental. If you are a Christian you are supposed to love people not judge them. I date and am not a bad person. You need to get your facts straight.
Dating and good too.

Dear Dating,
You got me on that one. The person who wrote said that she is a Christian and was confused about dating. Dating in itself is not sinful, and I did make it sound like a person is wrong if they do date. That is not right. If you feel like it is ok in your heart to date, then that is what matters, go for it. It does help a lot of people however, not to date unless they feel that the person that they are dating is who they are supposed to eventually marry. It helps emotionally, financially, and in other ways. If you read the books mentioned, you will see that there are benefits in the no dating philosophy. Good luck.

If you have any questions that you would like to ask “Dear Rose” please write to The Herald Newspapers, 500 Maryville Hwy, Seymour, TN 37865 or email [email protected]

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Dear Rose,
I am a divorced Christian lady whose children are grown. I am young at heart, people say that I am attractive, and tend to be a romantic. What do you think about dating? After a date there is an empty home to go to where temptation is too easy to fall into. Yet the thought keeps coming that if I am a responsible Christian adult, I should be able to keep things light and under control. What do you think?
Single Sis

Dear Single,
There will be people around you that will try to influence you that all is ok with dating. I believe that is wrong. Joshua Harris, a committed Christian has written several books on dating that speak to this question. They are: “Not Even A Hint”; “I Kissed Dating Goodbye: a New Attitude to Romance and Relationships”; and “Boy Meets Girl:Say Hello to Courtship”. He discusses the issue of lust in the American culture, the waste of time, money and emotion, etc. You would be smart not to rationalize the situation, but to read them. Singles are vulnerable in a way, hence, God’s concern for the widow. You can subconsciously want to be attractive to someone and send the wrong signals, causing the other person to sin. An alternative would be to join one of the singles Sunday School classes in the area. Group activities are always a good choice, wholesome and a better atmosphere to keep your heart pure.

Dear Rose,
I think you did not say enough to Sevierly skinny. Yes, it is good to concentrate on personality, but why make them wait til they grow up? Things can get better now with a little work. You should have told Sevierly to go to a local gym regularly and work out. Working out isn’t just for overweight people. Thin people can get bigger by muscle bulk. They will look and feel more vibrant. Endorphins are also released throughout the system which give a feeling of well being.
Putting in my two cents

Dear Putting,
You are right. Well said. I hope that Sevierly skinny benefits from your advice.

If you have any questions that you would like to ask “Dear Rose” please write to The Herald Newspapers, 500 Maryville Hwy, Seymour, TN 37865 or email [email protected]

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Dear Rose,
My wife gets me ties every Christmas. I only wear them a couple times each year and then only for special occasions. These are not cheap ties either. She must pay forty bucks for the things. I have this closet full of ties I never wear. I have tried to tell her that I have enough already, but she just smiles, like I am feeble minded and buys them again next year. It bothers me so bad right now that I would like to take every tie and dump it in the Goodwill bin. Does this woman not listen to me? Got any advice?
Tied up in knots

Dear Tied,
Your frustration is coming through loud and clear. A few sessions with a counselor might be in store, but before you do that try this: Call your wife to your side on the sofa and ask her if you have her attention. Tell her that this is something that she must understand, and that it is bothering you. Tell her you do love her, but that you want something else for Christmas next year or you will take the tie back. Maybe you can give her a suggestion of what you would like instead. If that doesn’t work, go to a counselor, she probably isn’t hearing other things that you are saying too. Good luck.

Dear Rose,
I am ten years old and in the fourth grade. My brother says things that make me upset and then we fight. My mom and dad are divorced and it makes my mom real upset. She cries and sometimes makes us go to our rooms. I don’t like making her cry. Why did my dad have to leave us alone? Sometimes she says she doesn’t know how she is going to make it. Things are sad here a lot. Is there something I can do?
A kid

Dear Kid,
It shows that you love your mother that you are so concerned with her. That is a good quality. Please remember that you are still a kid, not a grown up that needs to take care of your mom. When your brother says something that upsets you, you can say, “Hey, lets work this out so we don’t upset mom.” It sounds like it would be good for you to talk to someone grown up about all this. Do you have a pastor at a church or a guidance counselor at school that is a good friend? How about an aunt or uncle, grandmother or grandfather? Your extended family may be able to help in ways that some others can’t. Whatever you do, please go to a good person for support. Write again if you need to.

If you have any questions that you would like to ask “Dear Rose” please write to The Herald Newspapers, 500 Maryville Hwy, Seymour, TN 37865 or email [email protected]

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